Beautiful Disaster

He kissed me…

Just like he usually kissed me.

But something in the air was different.

A yearning more powerful than it had ever been before.

My best friend joked that this would happen, but I didn’t think it would happen so fast.

My mind and my heart screamed for me to slow down…

However, the arousal had me in a chokehold.

His touch was too good for me to stop.

Gentle yet aggressive just the way I liked.

His dark eyes stared up at me with so much behind them.

But with all that we had been through…

I still couldn’t give him my all.

I could only give him what he was craving the most.

His hands slid up my thighs, stopping at my behind and giving it a hard smack.

I bit down on his lip, turned on by the gesture.

“Do you want to have sex?”

I can’t believe the words left my mouth.

He’s usually the one begging to take something so precious and now here I am offering it on a silver platter.

The shock on his face takes me by surprise.

Does he not want to?

His erection is telling me otherwise.

“Only if you want to,” he whispered. “I don’t have any condoms…”

The infamous line of a man…

“I have one…”

The judged response of a woman.

“Are you sure?”

I nod unable to bring myself to say the words.

My hormones were screaming louder than my thoughts and I just wanted it to be over with.

I wanted to feed the Demon deep down inside.

He pulled me back into a kiss, rolling so that I was lying flat on the bed.

My heart pounded as he made his way to the door, locking it.

I squeezed the condom tightly in my hand, trying to calm my erratic heart.

No words are exchanged as he loops his fingers in the waistband of my pants and tugs them off.

My knees are pulled apart before the final decision is pulled out of my hand.

My innocence now floats in the air as he rips the foil and rolls it onto his erection.

“This is really tight…”

These are the words that sit between us.

No reassurance.

No more kisses to ease my mind.

Just the grip of his cold hand on my thigh and deep breathing.

My eyes refused to look away from the ceiling…

Was I supposed to be watching?

I could feel him pushing into me and all I could think about was how there was no music…

No candles…

No soothing…

Just his erection and the sound of his favorite show playing in the background.

It burned.

The deep breathing wasn’t helping.

When would the pain turn to pleasure?

He moaned and caressed my breasts… enjoying himself.

My mind was trying to cope with this newfound realization.

I wasn’t a girl anymore.

I was becoming a woman.

Why was he moaning?

Why wasn’t he asking if I was okay?

Could he not see the uncomfortable expression on my face?

Then… I felt it.

Something new.

It wasn’t burning anymore but starting to feel good.

A feeling that I wanted to keep.

Finally, I was able to moan…

Over…

And over…

And over again.

Too loud for his liking.

My pleasure was cut short so that we wouldn’t get caught.

My own panties were placed in my mouth to silence me.

My body was turned over and I was now on my hands and knees.

Taking everything he was giving me.

But silenced…

I hated it.

Just as quickly as the pleasure came…

It went.

I was empty as his orgasm ripped through him.

He got his release as the tension crept up my shoulders.

I thought sex was supposed to relieve stress…

Why do I feel worse than before?

Tears swelled in my eyes as I dropped back down in the bed.

He was speaking but I couldn’t make out the words…

Maybe I just didn’t want to hear them.

They say that a girl falls in love with the first guy she gives herself to.

I no longer wanted to be in the same room as mine.

Something like this was supposed to be amazing.

This… was beautifully disastrous.